Tagged: how to

Jul 04

How To Have Your Home Restyled By Rats In A Few Easy Steps

There are many interior design and decor approaches and many magazines, blogs, and websites devoted to restyling one’s home.  Yes, the houses look lovely – all those bijoux finds, sleek lines, and splashes of vintage (reclaimed old tat, mostly) – but they lack a certain something, that je ne sais quoi one can find in adopting an entirely different approach.  I’ve welcomed into my home the breathtaking talents of Georgia&Min, Rat Designers of Lorne Street.

Rats are inventive, enterprising, imaginative, hard-working, and very particular in their tastes.  For these reasons, amongst other things, they make excellent interior design consultants.  They are unafraid to express their views – lacking any linguistic skills that we might understand, this tends to be done through actions rather than words.

For example, should they think your wallpaper is outdated, they’ll show you exactly how best to remove it.

They are excellent upcyclers, rivalling even Blue Peter in its prime with their ingenuity in transforming the old and worn out into fetching additions to the home.  Here they’ve taken a tatty old cushion and, with a little tearing along the seam and dragging out of its contents voila it is snug bedding that doubles as a barrier to stop you chasing them out from under the sofa with a broom handle.

Old ornaments are turned, overnight, into bright arrangements, adding blasts of colour to your home.

Furniture is renovated with minimal effort on your part.

With a paws-on approach, they introduce new colour schemes into your home.  In this case, striking smatters of black, sourced from renewable resources found in the coal scuttle.

Soft furnishings and their suitability for your home are subjected to the most rigorous  assessment and removed if their presence simply does not contribute to that sense of your own energy, oozing from the canvas that is your home.

Clutter is sorted through and assigned to the bin or used to create a bold display on your desk and floor.

Room dividers that are simply not pleasing to the eye are dismantled.

They also provide a number of auxiliary services such as looting your laundry bin to save you having to wash it.  This saves both time and energy – benefitting you and the environment.  Note the single pair of nice, presentable in any situation knickers left for you to handwash and wear.  Rats are nothing if not considerate.

And, after a long day spent refurbishing, they will join you for dinner.  Their manners may be somewhat unfamiliar to you, but remember they are creative types whose quirks and affectations are simply symptoms of their genius.  One cannot expect the artiste to abide by the rules and expectations of our primitive, tasteless, irrelevance of a society.

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Jun 29

How to relocate someone’s shoulder, find a handsome man and live happily ever after.

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